Understanding the Experiences of Diagnosed Narcissists: Beyond the Stigma.

Sometimes, Jay Spring believes he is “the most exceptional individual alive”. Living with narcissistic personality disorder, his periods of extreme self-importance frequently escalate into “detached from reality”, he admits. “You are on cloud nine and you think, ‘Everyone’s going to know that I’m better than them … I will achieve remarkable feats for the world’.”

For Spring, these phases of exaggerated self-worth are often succeeded by a “sudden low”, during which he feels overwhelmed and ashamed about his actions, leaving him especially susceptible to criticism from external sources. He came to wonder he might have this personality condition after researching his symptoms through digital sources – and subsequently confirmed by a specialist. But, he doubts he would have agreed with the assessment without having independently formed that conclusion personally. “If you try to tell somebody that they have the condition, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he notes – most notably if they harbor feelings of superiority. “They’re in a delusional world that they’ve constructed. And in that mindset, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Understanding The Condition

While people have been called narcissists for decades, the meaning can be ambiguous what people refer to as the term. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” explains an expert in narcissism, who believes the word is “used more than it should be” – but when it comes to a clinical identification, he believes many people hide it, due to so much stigma linked to the illness. Someone with NPD will tend to have “an exaggerated self-image”, “impaired compassion”, and “a tendency to exploit relationships to seek admiration through actions such as displaying material goods,” the expert explains. Those with NPD may be “deeply egotistical”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he states.

Emotional connections were never important about anyone really, so I didn’t invest in relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in The Disorder

Though three-quarters of people identified as having NPD are males, studies suggests this statistic does not mean there are a lower rate among women, but that narcissism in women is more often presented in the vulnerable narcissism type, which is less commonly diagnosed. “Men’s narcissism tends to be somewhat tolerated, similar to everything in society,” says a 23-year-old who discusses her NPD and borderline personality disorder (BPD) on online channels. Frequently, the two disorders are comorbid.

Individual Challenges

“I really struggle with receiving negative comments and rejection,” she shares, since when I’m told that the issue lies with me, I often enter a defensive state or I withdraw entirely.” Even with this response – which is known as “ego wounding”, she has been attempting to address it and accept input from her loved ones, as she doesn’t want to slip into the harmful behaviour of her previous life. My past relationships were toxic to my partners as a teenager,” she states. Via therapeutic interventions, she has been able to reduce her narcissistic traits, and she notes she and her current boyfriend “maintain an agreement where we’ve agreed, ‘Should I make a harmful comment, if I say something manipulative, address it {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

She grew up primarily in the care of her father and notes she didn’t have healthy examples during development. I’ve had to teach myself all this time the difference between and is not appropriate to say in conflicts because I never had that as a kid,” she shares. “Nothing was off-limits when my relatives were insulting me during my childhood.”

Origins of NPD

These mental health issues tend to be associated with childhood challenges. “There is a genetic component,” says a mental health specialist. But, when someone shows signs of narcissism, it is often “linked to that individual’s particular early environment”. Those traits were “a coping mechanism in some ways to cope in formative years”, he continues, when they may have been overlooked, or only shown love that was based on meeting specific standards. They then “persist in applying those identical strategies as adults”.

In common with many of the those diagnosed, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “might exhibit similar traits. The adult says when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, stay out of our way.” When their attention turned to him, it came in the form of “intense expectations to achieve high marks and career success, he notes, which made him feel that if he didn’t fulfill their expectations, he wasn’t “worthy.

When he became an adult, none of his relationships were successful. Emotional investment was lacking about anyone really,” he states. “So I’ve never taken relationships seriously.” He believed he wasn’t forming deep connections, until he met his current partner of three years, who is diagnosed with BPD, so, in a comparable situation, has difficulty with feelings. She is “very supportive of the thoughts that occur in my head”, he says – it was surprisingly, she who originally considered he might have NPD.

Pursuing Treatment

After a visit to his general practitioner, he was directed to a therapist for an evaluation and was given the NPD label. He has been referred for talking therapy on the public health system (extended treatment is the main intervention that has been demonstrated to benefit NPD patients, specialists note), but has been on the patient queue for an extended period: It was indicated it is likely to occur early next year.”

He has shared with a handful of people about his condition, because “prejudice is common that all narcissists are abusers”, but, personally, he has accepted it. “It helps me to understand myself better, which is positive,” he comments. Those interviewed have accepted their narcissism and are pursuing treatment for it – leading them to be open to talk about it – which is possibly not the norm of all people with the condition. But the growth of online advocates and the expansion of virtual networks point to {more narcissists|a growing number